Arts & culture

What being a “Cancer Mum” really means to me by Samantha Purdy

September Is Childhood Cancer awareness Month 🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗

You no longer take anything for granted, you now know the true meaning of anything can happen anytime! Doesn’t matter how much money you have in the bank or how happy you are and it equally doesn’t matter how much emotional stress you have already been through.

You wonder if there’s something you could have done, or shouldn’t have done to prevent your child becoming so sick. Even when you know there’s nothing you could have done differently in the darkest scariest of moments you will think about this.

You always knew you loved your child and probably have said you would die for your child, but you would literally suck the cancer out of them into your own body right there and then if you could.

You no longer care about how well they are doing at school or if they have the ‘right’ trainers, you just hope and pray that they can still go to school at some point wearing some shoes.

You listen to songs and think about the fact you might use this song for your child’s funeral if the worst did come true. You don’t want to think this but it just comes into your brain.

You think about the fact you wouldn’t want to go on if they don’t make it through this, but you know you have other children and you would have to.

You feel constantly guilty for not being there for your other child. Feel guilty that they have to grow up quicker and also get thrust into a world where playing in hospital waiting rooms is normal for them.

Every ache, every rash, every bruise every head ache makes you feel sick inside thinking the worst could happen again.

You learn to switch off when you’re holding your child down to have injections. You later cry about having to be that way just to get through.

You watch everyone else carrying on and feel so angry that you didn’t know to appreciate everything you did before, you want to scream at people don’t you know how lucky you are? Don’t you know what you have got?!

You have to come to terms with the fact that the only cure there is could kill your child and cause them to have future cancers. That it will destroy how their body works and looks forever.

You can feel your old self dying and your new self coming forward and you actually like that you care more and are stronger than ever but hate what it’s taken for you to be this way.

You learn the pure injustice of the treatment of children with cancers. You meet children then you hear they died. You meet strong parents and then you meet them again broken into a million pieces.

You want to make changes and make a difference but you don’t know where to start.

You just hope your small voice can one day make a difference.

You make friends with people you wouldn’t normally have anything in common with that will touch your heart forever and ever.

You feel so sad for your child a deep sadness you never even knew existed.

This is how I feel and I know other oncology parents feel.

So now you know if you didn’t scroll past x🎗x