Relationship expert Sofia Milan gives us seven reasons we could be missing out on more love at home, in our social circles and even at work
- Not vetting the VIPs. Who is the most important person in your life? Did you say “me”? If not, it’s time to practice self-love and move yourself to the top spot on your VIP list. Only you can choose to surround yourself with positive people who enrich your life versus toxic people who break you down emotionally. I’m not suggesting that narcissism is good or giving you a license to be selfish. Just take a lesson from the flight attendants who instruct, “put your oxygen mask on first, before helping others”.
- Failing to train your brain. Perhaps you’ve heard about how athletes imagine themselves successfully executing their craft with perfection before they are expected to perform. Top competitors practise, watch videos of themselves, mentally visualise their success then practise some more. Similarly, a powerful tool is to visualise the love that you desire and imagine it in a way so that you can actually feel it. Imagine the warmth and security of an embrace. Feel the joy of spending time laughing with friends. Just like an athlete, this will train your brain to make it happen.
- Holding steadfast to your “filter”. Do you know someone who can always cite a litany of reasons why something won’t work? How many people do you know that truly see only the goodness in other people and the world overall? Does your own perception “filter” need an upgrade? Whether it’s with respect to romantic interests, friends or family members, rather than focusing on their flaws and shortcomings with a critical eye, instead try to see the person’s goodness. Not only will you feel better by making this small shift in the way you regard and relate with others, but they will also sense the favourable shift in you.
- Lacking a ‘Love Action List’. Make a list of “Love Actions” – specific things that special someone in your life could do that would make you feel loved. Make sure that small, no-cost gestures are included as well as bigger items. For example, the list might include things like, “bring me coffee in bed,” “whisper in my ear and make me blush when we’re out,” “plan an outing for us to look forward to,” or “send me flowers for no reason”. Making the list—and even acting on it for yourself—will be a message to the universe that you wish to attract someone willing and capable of doing all of these things and more.
- Raising roadblocks. There are probably plenty of examples in your life that make a good case for remaining aloof, building those proverbial walls up around your heart and not letting people in to experience the real you. If you wish to experience the kind of love you’ve trained your brain to imagine, you need to remove whatever self-limiting beliefs are lurking in the dark recesses of your psyche. These are your emotional roadblocks and you need to figure out how to get around these barriers. First you need to identify what is blocking your ability to love fully and fearlessly. Then you can do the internal work needed to transform those negative thoughts into positive ones.
- Lacking a ‘Love Action List’. Make a list of “Love Actions” – specific things that special someone in your life could do that would make you feel loved. Make sure that small, no-cost gestures are included as well as bigger items. For example, the list might include things like, “bring me coffee in bed,” “whisper in my ear and make me blush when we’re out,” “plan an outing for us to look forward to,” or “send me flowers for no reason”. Making the list—and even acting on it for yourself—will be a message to the universe that you wish to attract someone willing and capable of doing all of these things and more.
- Raising roadblocks. There are probably plenty of examples in your life that make a good case for remaining aloof, building those proverbial walls up around your heart and not letting people in to experience the real you. If you wish to experience the kind of love you’ve trained your brain to imagine, you need to remove whatever self-limiting beliefs are lurking in the dark recesses of your psyche. These are your emotional roadblocks and you need to figure out how to get around these barriers. First you need to identify what is blocking your ability to love fully and fearlessly. Then you can do the internal work needed to transform those negative thoughts into positive ones.
- Foregoing fun. We’re often busy doing things for others – work, family, community. Imagine if all of the people siphoning your time and energy not only stopped, but also instructed you to do something that makes you truly happy. Imagine them all saying in unison, “We give you permission to take time to do whatever makes your heart happy.” What would you do? Look at your calendar over the next month and commit to doing whatever it is that brings you joy. The more connected you are to your authentic self and the better you feel inside, the more positive energy you have to devote to others.
- Not gifting unconditional love. A key word in this strategy is “gift”. In giving a gift to others from your heart, you must do so with no expectations of a positive response or a gift or gesture in return. Loving unconditionally, truly and literally means that you love with no conditions – physical, financial, spiritual, intellectual, emotional or otherwise. What is sometimes harder is to fire your internal critic and replace that pessimistic voice with a more loving one that says, “I love and value myself no matter what. I am proud of who I am, what I’ve learned and who I’m becoming.”
Sofia Milan is a consultant, author and speaker dedicated to helping people have amazing relationships. Go to www.SofiaMilanBooks.com to find out more.
