Psychotherapist Angela Trainer on the benefits of embracing the sound of silence – and how best to get started

Lead image: Shantivanam Ashram, a sanctuary in southern India. Credit – shantivanamashram.com

Some say the hero’s journey is facing their fear by jumping waterfalls, fire-walking, slaying a dragon or gaining 50k followers on Instagram. In truth, the dragon slays you, you twist your ankle on the way to the waterfall and burn your ass when you slip on the firewalk. I believe that life begins when we fall down, let go, and learn to listen to our heartsong .

I fell in love with and stopped fearing silence 30 years ago. My life was too busy: as a psychotherapist and founder of the Harvest Clinic in Glasgow, I had a heavy caseload, was juggling a new relationship, and had inherited two step-children and a bearded collie. Then my gran died, my parents divorced, the cat was put to sleep, and I moved to the middle of nowhere, overlooking the Campsie Hills. I was operating on the fumes of my reserve tank and wanted to run my brain under a tap.

Kagyu Samye Ling buddhist monastery in Dumfries. Credit – samyeling.org

My first retreat was actually a date with my now-husband – in Kinnoull in Perth. I discovered the still, small voice within and asked “What matters?” and “Who am I?, feeling into the responses.

I would recommend starting small; it’s not the spiritual Olympics. It was a slow ascent for me. A quiet half-hour sit, or a silent, mindful afternoon at home with no chores or distractions. Learning to meditate really helps. It’s easier to build the experience of silence gradually: maybe an evening group then a day workshop, building up to a weekend. Now I happily spend 3 – 5 days on a silent retreat once a season, and I have experienced a 10-day retreat before. I’ve attended retreats around the globe – including Kagyu Samye Ling buddhist monastery in Dumfries, Quinta da Calma in Portugal and a trip to Shantivanam Ashram in India.

I regularly visit the Carmelite Monastery in Glasgow. It’s not about a specific religion – it’s about connecting with my own spirituality and letting the inner chaos die down.

Even in an enclosed order like the Carmelite convent, life gets busy. There are crafts to make, gardens to tend, and housework and shopping to do. On site there is a self-contained room – the Poustinia. It is an internally spacious experience in the hermit’s cell. The peace is palpable, and I find deep peace and clarity once the fog clears.