Comedian Zoe Brownstone on the wisdom to be gained from our favourite 90s rom coms

90s rom coms taught me everything  – from how to flirt, to how to dance at my prom, to how to sneak into a high school as an undercover student in order to fall in love with the cute English literature teacher. As a fully-grown adult with zero mental health problems (virtually carefree!), here are the valuable life lessons I’m still using today:

If you tell everyone you want to be single you’ll meet your One True Love

This one’s pretty obvious. Everyone knows that when we manifest what we want it comes true except with Mr./Mrs/Mx Right. In that case and only that case one must vocalize how happy they are on their own to everyone around them. Best friends, parents, current partners etc. Only when you truly believe (cue Mariah and Whitney) will they actually save you from an exploding bus or let you have the last floating door in the North Atlantic.

Comedian Zoe Brownstone

When in doubt spill something on your shirt

Might seem obvious but a little OJ goes a long way: in starting a conversation with a stranger, asking for a napkin from that cute barista or even justifying an impromptu retail therapy session. Whatever your motivations are remember: baking soda and salt gets out almost anything (except texting your ex, there’s no stain remover for that).

You are the love of your life

Maybe bad news to some but guess what, Meg Ryan, Julia Roberts and even Sandra Bullock all taught me that first and foremost you gotta love yourself before any type of Mr. or Mrs. Right can come along (why not skip the 1.5hr journey to get there).

He can change! He just needs a light jog

Whether through an airport, train station or midtown Manhattan, Mr. Almost Right is just a light sweat away from totally hearing you and giving you what you need and deserve. All it takes is the right pair of trainers (and maybe a fully refundable plane ticket).

The best friend is actually the best

Sorry to those ingenues but I always rooted for the quirky best friend! She’s smart and cute and does the crossword without cheating! Sadly she never takes her own advice cause she’s usually too busy with her four part time jobs and being a single mom. Guess what, she’s the real hero.

Be true to yourself

In Clueless I was introduced to a character I finally could see myself in, someone who was truly themself, an original, someone who had style and charm. I’m speaking of course about Josh, Cher’s stepbrother/future boyfriend. That Nirvana loving plaid-wearing bookworm was my idea of the perfect version of me (bonus he was Jewish).

Saying ‘yes’ is not legally binding

Julia Roberts taught me in Runaway Bride that you can in fact accept several proposals and not commit to a single one and no one can arrest you! But really, we make commitments and things don’t always work out, as long as there’s a bicycle or horse around you can always change your mind!

Brains over brawn every single time

William Thacker in Notting Hill or Zack Siler in She’s All That? Sure it’d be nice to be carried over the threshold but 1. I’m afraid of heights and 2. What threshold can we afford if he’s not able to hold down a real job? I’ll take nerdy over naughty if it means we can redo the kitchen.

You can’t beat traffic

We’ve all seen it, the epic dash to the airport, the run through security. Well guess what, it’s not actually possible! First of all with congestion in big cities you’re better off biking to the airport, and once you’re there? A refundable plane ticket? Better chance of running into Tom Hanks in economy.

True love can withstand any weather

If she’s not willing to have a fight with you in the middle of a thunderstorm it’s probably not meant to be. If he leaves you out in the cold (literally), then you know he’s not the one! True love means never having to use an umbrella. From The Notebook to High Fidelity I’ve learned the almighty power of a good rain storm can get any point across. Same goes for a powerful sunset, don’t let the golden hour fool you, he might be only sort of good looking in regular lighting! For the strongest insurance, keep those weather apps updated.

See Zoe Brownstone: A Bite Of Yours at the Pleasance Courtyard from 31st July – 23rd August at 7:15pm. For tickets, visit pleasance.co.uk/event/zoe-brownstone-bite-yours